Bryan's Diary
by The Wicked Witch of Dingl
Summary: Bryan keeps a diary... only problem is, some of his school friends know where it is...Chapter 5: Dots, Lime and The Streets!
1. Chapter 1

Bryan's Diary

**Well, I'm here again with another story! This takes its root in my day to day life, with added in randomness lol!

* * *

**

**Disclaimer #1: I do not own beyblade**

**Disclaimer #2: The Gritch belongs to… The Gritch! (Ok, to Chu-Chi Face!)**

**Disclaimer #3: I do not own the Halifax adverts or the Sheila's Wheels adverts… Whoever wrote them should be shot!**

**Disclaimer #4: I do however, own Catman and Mofobugger. And join the Death to the Gritch club! Review me for more information lol!

* * *

**

**I want to make it clear that I did not write all of this. This is a who's written what guide.**

Bryan: Jezz/Jess/Palmeo/Me

_Kai: Koren/Pervert/Thing in the Corner_

**Tala: Amz/Amzy/Sherwa's Hump Machine**

Johnny: Sarah/Sherwa/The Locker Room Lurker

_**Ian: Charlie/Charlz/Hurley

* * *

****Bryan's Diary **_

30th March 2006

Never ever work with a boff. I am serious. Today, Johnny skived science and Kai and Tala ended up being paired together – more about that later. So I was paired up with whatshisface… that midget from the Bladebreakers. Kai?

_What?_

What's the name of the midget that used to hang around with you guys?

_Kenny? Or Tyson?_

Kenny! He sat there and did all the work and was dead erratic. I distinctly saw Tyson, Ray and Max taking the piss out of me and Michael is being so self obsessed. All Tyson has done is babble on and on.

_I have two complaints to make._

Hey! This is my diary!

_Whatever. (a) Tyson has the audacity to ask if I wanted to go to his birthday party. (b) Johnny is way too immature. He is beginning to act like Max on a sugar high._

Hehe… Kai was completely up himself today.

_Hey!_

It's the truth. When Johnny was reading out that poem and you were going on about Bonnie Prince Charlie's (1) sexual preference.

**I hate Halifax (2)!**

Hello Tala. Hey… why are you guys all writing in my diary?

**Because I don't think a lot. Anyway. Never ever let Johnny watch TV. He sang all the Halifax adverts and then started on bloody Sheila's Wheels (3)! He wasn't even put out when I pointed out they were driving backwards.**

Whatever Red. Get your own diary.

_Yeah! Go screw Michael!_

Kai! There will be no perverted thoughts in my diary.

Hey guys! Want to see a magic trick?

No Johnny.

Aww… Wanna play a game?

No Johnny.

_What sort of game?_

Kai, not that sort of game!

We are sailing… we are sailing…

**Oh, for God's sake! Johnny! Shut the hell up!**

We're right behind you, Red.

_Very far behind you._

**Thanks guys. Johnny, start singing again and I will cut out your hair and stuff it down your throat!**

Kai! Stop cracking your gum in my ear!

_Well tell Tala to stop smacking his lips like a gay poof! (4)_

The Gritch was at it again today.

_The Gritch?_

**Kai! Even Johnny knows who the Gritch is!**

Yeah! It's Mariah!

_Why the Gritch?_

Because she looks like the Grinch. And she's a bitch.

_You'd better hope Lee doesn't find out! So what was she doing?_

Boasting. A lot. And mainly about her and Catman. About their conquests.

**Ew.**

_What was she saying?_

Nice try Pervert. You think I'm going to tell you all about what she was saying about Ray putting a hand down her – dammit!

_Almost!_

**Kai, has anyone ever told you you're a pervert?**

_Nope._

Well, you are.

_Thanks._

You are most welcome; now get the hell out of my room!

Now's my chance! Whilst Bryan is chasing Kai and Tala out of his room I can use his diary to make my plans for world domination!

Johnny, what the hell are you doing?

Dammit.

Finally, I have my room to myself. And my diary.

_**Don't be so sure!**_

What? Oh come on! Ian, bugger off!

_**What? That's not fair! The other guys got at least three pages out of you before you strangles them!**_

Yeah, well you get three lines, now beat it. And don't you or Mofobugger dare play your bloody Disney songs!

_**Don't call Mokuba –**_

Out.

Anyway, now I have my diary to myself, I can talk about Kai and Tala's interesting progress in science. When the boff and I talked about – of all things – Red Dwarf, the terrible twosome (how cliché) did a giant 3-d diagram of a flower. Yes, a flower. A purple, orange and yellow flower that Kai spent half the time stuffing

**His**

Orange balls down… WTF! And you say Kai is a pervert! And then, Oliver and Enrique confused Blue by saying that the leaves – which were two different sizes – were actually sepals. Don't ask.

Now excuse me, I have to go and kill Kai.

* * *

FINIS

I realise this is mostly Americans that will be reading this. Bonnie Prince Charlie was an usurper to the British throne a wee while ago. The incident that I was talking about with the sexual preferences really did happen – only it was me, not Koren that was going on about his sexual preference. :D. Want any more information – Look him up.

Halifax adverts. Why did you create them, God? What did we do wrong? I don't think they have them in America, if they do, I'm sorry if I sound patronising. Basically, it's a bald, black Harry Potter type singing really cheesy remakes of songs like 'Sailing' and 'Who Let the Dogs out?'

Sheila's Wheels. GAH! Same goes for the above.

Amzy does this. I guess its ok for a girl to do it… It's funny to think of Tala doing it though lol.

And the flower incident? Really did happen.


	2. Chapter 2

Bryan's Diary

**Well, I'm here again with another story! This takes its root in my day to day life, with added in randomness lol!**

**Disclaimer #1: I do not own beyblade**

**Disclaimer #2: The Gritch belongs to… The Gritch! (Ok, to Chu-Chi Face!)**

**Disclaimer #3: I do not own the Halifax adverts or the Sheila's Wheels adverts… Whoever wrote them should be shot!**

**Disclaimer #4: I do however, own Catman and Mofobugger. And join the Death to the Gritch club! Review me for more information lol!**

**Warning: Yaoi lime/light lemon ahead! (And no, that's not what we get up to at my ALL GIRLS school!) I think I may need to change the rating… sheer perverted ness, thank you Koren and Sarah! And there are pictures… Anyone wants to see, review me and I'll send them to you.**

**I want to make it clear that I did not write all of this. This is a who's written what guide.**

Bryan: Jezz/Jess/Palmeo/Me

_Kai: Koren/Pervert/Thing in the Corner_

**Tala: Amz/Amzy/Sherwa's Hump Machine**

Johnny: Sarah/Sherwa/The Locker Room Lurker

_**Ian: Charlie/Charlz/Hurley**_

**Bryan's Diary **

31st March 2006

Johnny has made a fortune teller. I swear he is gay.

_I am a transsexual! YAY!_

Kai, why are you writing in MY diary?

_Because I'm your shadow… hehe._

Kai. Leave me alone. No Johnny, I do not wish to take your fortune teller.

_Do it! Do it! Do it! You're probably a poofta!_

Bugger off Kai. And why are you getting a lift with the Gritch? I bet Ray won't be happy!

_Hey! It's not my fault… honest!_

Back seat action in the Gritch's banger!

I don't want to know. Maybe we should untie Enrique and stop threatening to put dots all over his face.

I want backseat action with the Gritch :'(

Kai! Don't scream in my ear! I know it's surprising that Johnny wants to screw Mariah… and I swear you are gay. You are brushing your hair, you big poof!

_Umm, I'm not gay biatch, I am a BISEXUAL. Get it right, mofo!_

…

Gay, bi, all the same. I go for anything which can shag!

… Sometimes I wonder about you guys. Seriously. Especially when Johnny is eating cream eggs. 

**You guys are all so gay!**

It's not me that wants backseat action with the Gritch! And we already knew Johnny was.

_The Gritch is minging and a total dildo. I would just like to say that Ray is FIT, and I can say that 'cos I'm a tranny!_

Yum, yum I love Ray. Uh uh uh uhh! 

_Johnny stop masturbating with your toy spaceship, I think it's turning Bryan on._

Oh yeah! You want some Bryan?

GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM!

**Oooooooo! I want some! Hehe!**

Me too! Let's have a foursome!

Umm… I'm scared now.

**What flavour are they? Camel?**

I am very scared now. Even Ian would be easier to talk to than you guys and he is thirteen!

**Strawberry? Oooo chocolate?**

Tala, are you even listening to me?

**Vanilla? What?**

Stop being a pervert. I know you can't help being gay and a poof, but it's Kai that's the perv.

**Hello? I'm writing in pink!**

…Right.

**I love pink! I might be getting my room painted pink!**

What's this about toenail clippers?

_Ok, if you really wanna know… Last year at drama club, Kenny had some toenail clippers with clipping sin and he opened it and started licking all the stuff out. Gross pukes ._

Thanks for that information, Kai.

**I love pink! Can we get pink condoms? Pleaseeeee?**

Yeah pink, strawberry flavoured ones! You can get them in Tesco's, behind the chicken stuffers counter!

**Yum! Yum! I'm getting a boner already! Wooooo!**

Actually, why do we need condoms? Who has a dick here?

**Me! I think…**

I leave you guys for five minutes and what the hell has happened?

**Bryan, do you have a dick?**

None of your business!

**Obviously you don't! Hehe, Bryan has no dick!**

Shut up. I am a boy. Unlike you.

**Really? You are a boy? Mine is bigger than yours! See, look!**

Mine is so much bigger! When I have an erection, I could poke the world's tallest man in the eye!

**Whatever! Mine is so long I could stand on it!**

Now I am scared.

_I better stop drooling, hey wait a minute, is that a model of a dick on your notice board Bryan?_

What the- no! No! ARGH!

**Omg, I was wondering where I left that! I made it myself!**

Miss PissyPooPoo (teacher) keeps staring at us! I think she wants to join in! She's got her hand on the inside of her thigh; ready to masturbate!

**Wooooooo!**

What the… now I am extremely scared.

_Aw Bryan's getting excited" PING Aaah yes, the microwaveable condoms are done. Camel flavour just for you Tala. C'mon peeps, slip 'em on!_

There is a difference between scared and excited Kai.

**No there isn't! There, mines on! Slurp! Yum camel!**

Ka-pow! It's too small!

**What your dick?**

Shh you guys! The midget's here!

_**:P Hahaha your all pervs and you all wear big bras and thongs!**_

**Damn it. How'd you guess?**

Tala, he was being sarcastic.

_**Ewww haha! I'm telling!**_

Ian, you are so immature.

**I so knew he was being sarcastic! I wear boxers like normal girls!**

…

_Teeheehoddleha – you slappers are so funny! Who wants to help me with the lube?_

I will, my dick's so fat, I'll need a whole can to make it slip in! And in and out, in and out! Ah ah ah arrrggg. Oh Kai its you. Oh Kai, Kai KAI! You are the best BJer I've ever met. Ah ah ahhh oh. 

Umm… (a) Ian is reading this and (b) They aren't doing anything dodgy. Just peering/perving over my shoulder.

**_Yeah, I'm reading this. I'm thirteen and I have a much bigger, hairier dick then you ever will. And I ain't no virgin like KAI! You're all fridges and you know it!  I have like a million sexy gals after me. Oh yeah!_**

Uh huh? And we all know Ian nose everything.

**You are a fridge Ian! The only thing after you is the circus. They want a new freak!**

_**WHATEVER! I've snogged hundreds of girls and I am not a virgin either! And by the way I've done the Gritch a million times so don't diss! BTW Bryan masturbates with a spoon!**_

Insecure and immature, what a great combination. Excuse me, the village of big noses just called. They're missing their idiot.

**I've snogged more girls than you and I'm gay! Not that I could believe that about Bryan.**

_Yer I've seen him doing it, and he uses that baby spoon from Johnny's Noddy egg cup. By the way Tala, watch out, Ian is erecting up your ass! Wahoo._

**That's 'cos he's stood behind me dumbass! I would never do him in a million years!**

:O That is a lie! I have had action and I am not desperate. I'm not a fag either!

_**My dick is thicker than your arm, skinny boy. And by the way, girls find my nose a turn on.**_

Oh yeah, I can totally believe that. And I am not skinny, I could snap you in half if I wanted to, save the fact I don't know when you last washed!

_My best guess: NEVER! Hehe. And Ian's right, his dick is thicker than your arm, I thought he had three legs when I first saw him until he put a condom on and I realised it was his cock._

_**Hahaha. You can't snap a condom wrapper open!**_

**Hehe! I can open them with y mouth! I don't usually need them though, seeing as I'm the only gay in this room. Hehe! But I do have a long term lover who is a woman! Guess who? Hehe!**

Ooo… Is it the Gritch?

**Nope!**

Johnny?

**Well… No!**

Spill.

**No you have to guess!**

Tala Ivanov, this is my diary, so I say what goes.

**Nope!**

Tala, if you don't tell me in five minutes, I will make what Garland did to you seem like a paper cut.

**Again – condom wrapper + you not happening!**

Argh! GAH!

_Umm… Bryan is currently slamming Tala's head into a wall… Do you think we should stop him?_

No, it's funny!

**Ow ow ow oh baby I love it when your angry! Grrrrrr!**

Argh! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM RIGHT NOW!

**Nope hehe!**

Now now Tala. You wouldn't want me to call the Gritch now would you?

**Oooo yes please!**

I now know the scariest sound in the world. Kai singing a Tina Turner song. 'Simply the Best' to be precise.

_I am a brilliant singer tralala have you heard my latest song 'Ode to a homo dildo'?_

_**Have you been looking through the curtain when I'm in the shower?**_

**Damn it, why do people keep guessing my secrets?**

Tala, he was being sarcastic.

_**No I wasn't! Seriously. I don't mind. How's my cock looking? I'm starting my rent boy job tonight and I want to know if I need an enlargement!**_

**Soz luv, but I'm outta your league it just ain't gonna work you are a bit droopy down below if you get my gist!**

_**You ain't seen me when I'm hard! Why aren't there any sexy ladies around here? I'm horny as hell!**_

**You're hard now you twat!**

Meh. Go screw Johnny. He's just as sex mad as you are. Kai! Is anyone going to save me from this lunacy? Johnny! Put that bloody dual harp away!

_**Shut up, I'm trying to shag Mr Teddykins!**_

…

_Isn't he off cbeebies – the free porn channel? He's so sexy; I love it when he does that striptease with the tweenies… 'Hey hey are you ready to play?' aaaah…_

I'm not sure what's scarier, your sexual preference or knowledge of children's cartoons!

_**Oh shut up you catsexual! I saw you eying up Mr Tinkles!**_

**And you went hard as well!**

Ian, it's a teddy bear. I can't believe I just said that.

_**Who wants to see my sexy dance? It involves nudity!**_

No Ian, Put it away.

_**I can't! You can't put the beast back in the cage! Rooar!**_

I think I know a trick or two that will prove you can!

**Ooo I like magic tricks! Can I be a volunteer?**

I am surrounded by perverts. And Tala, I will never be so desperate as to screw you.

**Yeah, whatever! How do you explain yesterday huh? You said you loved me!**

Yesterday? I can explain that easily, Tala. It was an erotic dream. I mean, I understand you fancy me, I know I'm good-looking, but when will you get it into your head that I am not gay?

**Yeah whatever don't try and deny it! You came onto me, you were so desperate! I said no again and again but then I gave in! You look like a troll! I regret it now though!**

Right… After the Easter holidays Tala, you are so dead…

**Anything you don't agree with, send addressed to Koren lol! And tell me who is the funniest: Jezz (Bryan), Koren (Kai), Sherwa (Johnny), Amz (Tala) or Charlie (Ian).**

**And the updates might be a wee bit slapdash, it's holidays at the moment and I don't do that many interesting things! Look out for Bryan going on Ian's rugby tour and being swamped with thirteen year olds lol!**


	3. Chapter 3

Bryan's Diary

**Well, I'm here again with another story! This takes its root in my day to day life, with added in randomness lol!**

**Disclaimer #1: I do not own beyblade**

**Disclaimer #2: The Gritch belongs to… The Gritch! (Ok, to Chu-Chi Face!)**

**Disclaimer #3: I do not own the Halifax adverts or the Sheila's Wheels adverts… Whoever wrote them should be shot!**

**Disclaimer #4: I do however, own Catman and Mofobugger. And join the Death to the Gritch club! Review me for more information lol!**

**I want to make it clear that I did not write all of this. This is a who's written what guide.**

Bryan: Jezz/Jess/Palmeo/Me

_Kai: Koren/Pervert/Thing in the Corner_

**Tala: Amz/Amzy/Sherwa's Hump Machine**

Johnny: Sarah/Sherwa/The Locker Room Lurker

_**Ian: Charlie/Charlz/Hurley**_

_Spencer: Katt/Kathryn/Katryna_

**Bryan's Diary **

1st April 2006

Whoa… The page keeps spinning… Note for future reference; Hangover: bad. Drink: good… Gee, maybe I shouldn't be an alcoholic at the age of sixteen…

_Only you become an alcoholic at the age of sixteen_

Thank you Spencer. Mind you, I wonder where the perverted three went last night… I have a strange feeling they won't be virgins anymore…

_Fan girls? Or fellow drunk loonies? I'm not sure which. I'd guess the latter, though._

I would guess neither of those… I would guess each other…

_On second thoughts, I agree with you!_

I am always right. Did I really see Tala hitting on the Gritch because her hair colour is pink?

_That's just wrong. Should we save him from her?_

Nah. It'll be funny when he realises. Serves him right for writing bad stuff in my diary.

… _EWW! Kai, Johnny and Tala have no idea how much trouble this could land them in… The Gritch could find this…_

Then we hide it. Never speak of it again. No one else knows, right?

_Aww. Don't you wanna black-mail them though?_

I'd sooner live.

_Blame Ian and Mokuba, then. They hate Ian anyway._

Mofobugger. Spencer, get it right. Always write in code in my diary.

And now I have to –

**Sorry it's so short guys! I will have better updates after the holidays!**


	4. Chapter 4

Bryan's Diary

**Well, I'm here again with another story! This takes its root in my day to day life, with added in randomness lol!**

**Disclaimer #1: I do not own beyblade**

**Disclaimer #2: The Gritch belongs to… The Gritch! (Ok, to Chu-Chi Face!)**

**Disclaimer #3: I do not own the Halifax adverts or the Sheila's Wheels adverts… Whoever wrote them should be shot!**

**Disclaimer #4: I do however, own Catman and Mofobugger. And join the Death to the Gritch club! Review me for more information lol!**

**I want to make it clear that I did not write all of this. This is a who's written what guide.**

Bryan: Jezz/Jess/Palmeo/Me

_Kai: Koren/Pervert/Thing in the Corner_

**Tala: Amz/Amzy/Sherwa's Hump Machine**

Johnny: Sarah/Sherwa/The Locker Room Lurker

_**Ian: Charlie/Charlz/Hurley**_

_Spencer: Katt/Kathryn/Katryna and Becky/GAP/Rybeka_

**Max: Zoe/Zozo/OI YOU **

**Unfortunately, it was only me that wrote this chapter… Just imagine Tala is permanently very drunk.**

**Bryan's Diary **

8th April 2006

Yawn… been travelling all day… Do you have any idea how annoying it is to be sitting next to Ian, who is in front of Mofobugger, on a two hour bus trip? The fact neither of them can sing, yet persist in doing so, is only part of the problem. And trying to listen to Stone Sour in front of a load of midgets with scary older siblings is pretty hard… And I'm not talking about Kai.

**Waah! Why aren't the rooms pink?**

Shut up Tala. Yeah, Tala's here too. So's Ian, but fingers crossed he'll stay with his little cronies.

**Only me… Lonely, so lonely…**

Ahem. I am glad you think so highly of me.

**Oh yeah… whoops!**

That was the cheesiest magic show in the world. Of course, Ian was completely taken in by it… Until Tala and I decided to gatecrash. There were two plants in the audience, boy and girl. Whilst I attacked Garland, drawing the male guy away…

…**I hit on the girl. I may be gay, but I know a trick or two!**

Such a waste. She was quite fit, I guess. Result? Neither of the plants were there when they were needed. Success!

**Yeah, well, she was a bad kisser.**

Good for you.

**Why can't beer be pink?**

Speaking of beer, just how much have you had?

**Two…**

I have decided. My bed hates me.

**Oh yeah, sure.**

Shut it Tala. You see, after the midgets had taken their pick, I was given a room with a double bed and Tala had one with two singles. But whiney over there made me swap. So there I am, trying to put the bedclothes on, and I get all tangled up.

**Man, that was funny.**

Take a picture. It lasts longer.

**Don't mind if I do! Snap! **

Wha? Don't play jokes with me, it's only half nine in the morning. Anyway, where was I?

**You'd just get tangled in the sheets. :D**

Right. So when I eventually get it sorted out, I have a bloody LUMP in the middle. ARGH! But that's not half of it. Do you know how many times I fell out of bed? NINE TIMES.

**Dude, I know. You made the caravan shake. Isn't there anyway you can join them together to make a double bed?**

Yes there is. It's called BWAHAHA! TALA'S BED IS MINE!

**What? Oh Bry! That's not fair! Come on, open up! My hair gel is in there. Ow… Why d'ya throw that at me? Please… I'm all alone… Lonely… so lonely… nobody… to call my friend… ow.**

**Hehe… I'm going to throw all Bryan's stuff out the window!**

Seriously, I think God either gives you brains or brightly coloured hair. Apart from Garland, he made a mistake there. Didn't give him either… man, I sure hope he doesn't read this. No wonder Tala wanted this room, got a lovely view. And 'clever' Red hadn't managed to locate the look… which was the first thing I did.

'_**Ello.**_

I thought we had a deal.

_**What was that?**_

That you wouldn't write in my diary and, in exchange, I wouldn't kill you.

_**Nope, can't remember that.**_

We do now. Run along before I put my threat into words. And how did you manage to get into my room?

_**Umm…**_

**Hiya guys!**

Out.

**I love you too Bryan!**

Get. Out. Of. My. Room.

**Umm, how to say this… NO.**

Tala!

**Look love, I'm your team captain. You can't order me around like you do Ian. And plus, I'm sexier that you. Girls dig me, even if I don't dig them.**

WTF? Tala, you do know what girls are like with gadgets, right?

**No…**

They'll lust after you, and then when they get you, they'll throw you away and move onto the next one.

**Yikes! Hey, who are you calling gadget?**

You. Cyborg computer gadget. Who said I was stupid?

**Not me… I'm going to blow dry my hair…**

Tala, your hair is dry.

**Then I'm going to have a shower!**

'_**Ello again.**_

God, what is it, asshole day?

**_No, it's April 8th_**

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

_**Dick? Where?**_

S-T-I-C-K. Stick. Go fetch.

**_Hehe… run, run, run…_**

**Why did they call it Preston Down Lane when it was going up?**

Oh my god!

**What?**

Tala thought!

**Oh haha Bryan. You can stop pretending to be dead now… Bryan?**

_**Dude, I think you killed him.**_

**No I didn't! Bry… WAKE UP!**

_**Tala, he's not breathing.**_

**Waah! I killed my best friend and never told him I fancied him!**

You fancy me?

**Waah… I'm a – HEY!**

It was only a joke, sheesh!

_**But you weren't breathing!**_

That's because I was holding my breath.

We're going out for the night now. Tala wanted us to go to Torquay's Gay Bar, but – thank God – we aren't.

**I wanted to go to the Gay Bar! Be better than the magician last night!**

Tala, mention that again and you'll be minus a best mate.

Lots of cheesy, dodgy lines tonight.

**I object! He was very insulting to me!**

Then don't wear tight leather trousers.

**I like my leathers!**

I rest my case.

We're babysitting loads of midgets, Ian and Mofobugger among them.

_**What have I told you about that?**_

Nothing. Eh, this babysitting lark isn't hard. Just feed them a load of cheese and crackers. Oh wait… I have to go… they've set fire to the caravan…

-

**There we go! The next chapter should be uploaded at the same time, so yeah!**


	5. Chapter 5

Bryan's Diary

**Well, I'm here again with another story! This takes its root in my day to day life, with added in randomness lol!**

**Disclaimer #1: I do not own beyblade**

**Disclaimer #2: The Gritch belongs to… The Gritch! (Ok, to Chu-Chi Face!)**

**Disclaimer #3: I do not own the Halifax adverts or the Sheila's Wheels adverts… Whoever wrote them should be shot!**

**Disclaimer #4: I do however, own Catman and Mofobugger. And join the Death to the Gritch club! Review me for more information lol!**

**I want to make it clear that I did not write all of this. This is a who's written what guide.**

Bryan: Jezz/Jess/Palmeo/Me

_Kai: Koren/Pervert/Thing in the Corner_

**Tala: Amz/Amzy/Sherwa's Hump Machine**

Johnny: Sarah/Sherwa/The Locker Room Lurker

_**Ian: Charlie/Charlz/Hurley**_

_Spencer: Katt/Kathryn/Katryna and Becky/GAP/Rybeka_

**Max: Zoe/Zozo/OI YOU **

**Bryan's Diary**

18th and 19th April 2006

I don't want to be back at school.

_I do! It's funny, there was this guy with really TIGHT trousers on the bus woohee…:P _

For God's sake, Kai!

_**How was his package?**_

…

_Juicy, man._

…

_**Not as juicy as mine man.**_

_Why don't you get yours out so I can judge? Yeah…_

Umm… Dick lick 'n' good!

…WTF is going on here?

_**Kk, I'm stripping. Aaah, breezy.**_

_That's because I'm blowing on you…_

**_Ok, dude I'm not gay but carry on. Mmmmmmm._**

…

_You lot are pervs…_

_**Hell yeah**_

Yum yum!

_That's gross._

You know what? I think I agree with Spencer.

Me like Marks and Spencer they sell gummy dicks

…

**Hi!**

_What's that about?_

I have no idea. Max is just being… Max.

**You guys are cool gimme food! And sugar:P**

_It's definitely Max._

For one scary minute, I thought it was Tyson.

_Well, that's not good._

**Why it not good? Tyson is my bezzy mate.**

_Well, getting you two mixed up is really bad._

Hey, I'm sixteen and I have a hangover. What do you expect?

_What are you gay dickheads on? Hey, I got some marijuana…_

1. You and Tala are the gays. 2. The immortal thing that describes exactly how I feel '…'

_**Shove it up my arse! Anything. Fingers, pencils, cocks…**_

_Can I use my moose shaped dildo?_

_**Aaah yeah**_

_It's going in… ooh ooh aah._

…

Can I have a go Kai? Please!

_No way, you can shag Tala, he's sooo gay…_

Kk soz, I can't write straight with Tala humping me. Oh ah!

…

**No I'm not you gay!**

It's Ray!

No it's Bryan! 'N' Bryan you spell your name gaily…

No I do not! Still, at least I don't call myself the 'Gladiator of Glasgow!'

**Hellooooo! Anyone here:P**

I am here… anyone else? I realise Tala and Johnny are too busy shagging… is that the same for Kai and Ian?

**Gotta be :P – lol :P**

I'm here, and raring to go! (Not to pee)

…

**I am not shagging Johnny!**

**W/m had any proper action then – hey look games! Yay!**

What sort of games? Strip poker? Pin the dick on the Donkey (Bryan)?

… How about shoot the Scotsman?

**Nah, that would suck – I meant footy duh! See on the TV! I'm not perverted!**

Yes… how did you survive with Kai?

**I'm Maxy! I don't shag people! Might mess with the image of the DUDE.**

Or increase it… depends on your view. What say you, Tala?

**I dunno! I like Dudes! But not Johnny. He's a gay!**

So are you, Tala. You watch Ian in the shower, have erotic dreams about me and love the colour pink!

**Actually, I am a bi! Well… ok, I'm gay; I just haven't come fully out of the closet! And that wasn't a dream!**

… I'm dreading the day you come out of the closet.

I'm looking forward to the day you come out of the closet! But until then you can always share a closet with me!

…What's the betting I commit suicide by the age of seventeen?

I'll shag you to death if you want!

That would be homicide… anyone have any cyanide? Arsenic? A hammer?

I have a dick!

I'll pass. Kai wants it, don't you?

_Oh yeah, over here, I'm OPEN!_

_That could be hard. Nothing would happen you need a girl as well as a guy._

_Oooh but we do have a girl… Bryan!_

Oh! Oh! Oh! Kai you are the best lover I've ever had! Oh! Oh! Oh!

_You guys are mank and should be in a mental institute. Maybe even a psychic unit forever._

I am NOT a bloody girl! Just because I have long hair!

_We know your not, they just can't tell the difference._

Oh Kai, oh Kaiiiii!

_C'mon Bryan, join in you big tits woman!_

Right, that's it! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM! And just to please you Kai: …

_YAY! The dots turn us all on hehe…_

They look like three little balls!

_I'm not sure about that one! That looks more like it but upside down._

Johnny has the biggest dick! The biggest dick! The biggest dick!

_Wow it's so big I'm getting pushed out of the window – aaah oooh yer._

I wonder what the teacher would say if they read this? And please stop singing; I want to have my ear drums intact by the end of the day.

Dry your eyes ate, I know it's hard to take but my mind has been made up, plenty more fish in the sea (but none with a bigger dick than me) Soz Bryan, but it's OVER! Kai's such a better lover.

Johnny, why don't you go screw Tala, you two are very similar; you're both gay, have red hair and have erotic dreams about me.

What do you prefer? Bryan?

Dot dot dot. A horn blower?

**No, I said your dick is deformed Bryan!**

I'm not answering your question Johnny. And Tala, have you been watching Garland or Claude in the shower or something and confused them with me?

**No! The only person I watch in the shower is Ian and only you would have a dick that small!**

_There it is! I found it!_

Kk, I don't care who has a dick, well, I do really, but just say which you prefer?

**I'm gay! What do you think I'd choose twat!**

Oo, look at me, I'm Tala and I love pink!

**I know! Bryan has a deformed dick and eats deformed smarties!**

Lalalalala… I am a ponce and I fancy Johnny!

Oh really Bryan! C'mon then, give us a shag! (I jump on Bryan) Uh uh uh! Oh my God! He does have a diddy dick! Not like my gigantic one!

Johnny… That's Kai.

_Rna-rna! Oh yer… :P -:_

I like big cats fur-balls!

… Kai, leave the immortal dots alone.

FINIS

**Umm… yeah, random. I kinda guess I'm going to get flamed for the rating. :D… Do you think I should change it? And I just wanted to say a few things: (1) The Immortal Dots ™ and all they stand for is © me, ok? (2) The Rna-rna? You heard the song Oh My Gosh by Basement Jaxx? According to Koren, it goes _Oh my gosh, he's making eyes at me and I don't mind rna-rna_ so we just had to put it in.**

**Look out for the next chapter; Bryan's Diary: Road Trip!**


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